Hello There! Templeton Peck here, Also known as "Lt. Faceman" on the popular Television Series, The A-Team! You may wonder why I'm here today, and that's what I'm about to tell you. Now you may wonder how I get all these beautiful ladies, such as this pretty little flower: and this one too: Ahh yes, the black ones are great. Well, I don't get these women with just my feverishly amazing good looks, no, that would be too easy. Guys, it's all in the pants. That's right, it's all about how you masturbate. How many of you boring shits use your hands? That's so 1979, catch up with the times, fellas! It's NINETEEN-FUCKING EIGHTY-FOURGOD FUCKING DAMNIT YOU OBSOLETE FUCKS! Therefore, you should use something that IS GURANTEED 100% TO GET YOU DELICIOUS PUSSY! WELL NOW, FROM A-TEAM INDUSTRIES! WE BRING YOU.. THE MASTURFACER!!! OH WOW!!! FUCKERING A ON COCKBAG!! I HATE MY LIFE@! AND NOW!! YOUR FUCKING PENIS WILL LOOK LIKE THIS!!! (does not include woman) OH MY GODD!!! SO FUCKING SEND ME 1323.32 DOLLARS IN CANADIAN DOLLARS, DON'T SAY AMERICA OR I'LL KILL YOU YOU FUCKS SHIT FUCK LOOKIT, EVEN LIL SHIZZLE STAIN, PROFESSIONAL WRAPPER APPROVES!! "oh SKE SKE MOOOOOOOOW FOKA! I USED DAT MASTAFAYCA! AND IT FUCKING, IT WAS SOOO DAMN CARAZAY! MY PENIS LOOKS HUGE NOW FROM MATURFACIN OFF BITCHEs!!!" mmm yes, and HERE'S AN ENDORSEMENT FROM ANOTHER RAPPER, LIL TOASTIE!! (he is a burn victim please do not stare FUCK) AHHHHH!!! UGHHH!!! MASTURFACER, GOOOOOOD.... fire...BAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!! AHH!!! That's right everyone, so if you buy the masturfacer today, your penis will feel much better, and taste much better!! especially with ketchup and urine!! OH GOD THEY'RE COMING FUCK EVERYONE RUN