SPONSORED BY PALL MALL CIGARETTES, WITH THAT BULGING TUMOR, IT CAN ONLY BE PALL MALL.
HAHT! HAY WELCUMB TO THE FIRTS ANNUEL CALLIN ALL PAULS FESTEVAL! HAHT! HERE'S MY CO HOST PAULY SHORE TO TLL U ALL ABAUT THA "CAP" OR CALLENG ALL PAULS FOR ALL U ABORTED RIMJOBBERS OUT THERE HAHT!!1
Paulie: EYYY PEE-PLES OUT THERE IN HUMAN LAND WHAT'S-AAP! YEAAAAH WE'RE HERE AT THE FIRST ANNU-AAL CALLIN' ALL PAULS FESTI-VAL. THIS YEAR SURE HAS BEEN GAAA-REAT WITH ALL THOSE GAY COWBOY FLICKS HUH? THAT JAKE GYLLENHAAL CAN BROKEBACK MY MOUNTAIN ANY DAY, HEE! SQUEEZIN' THA JIZZ! AN-YWAYZ THE STORY OF THE CALLIN' ALL PAULS FESTI-VAL IS THE FOUNDER PAUL REUBENS DECIDED EVERYONE NAMED PAUL IS AWESOME. PAUL NEW-MAN, PAUL GIAMATTI, LES PAUL, PAUL MCCARTNEY, PAUL BUNYAN AND MANY OTH-ERS! THEY'LL ALL BE HERE AT THE FIRST ANN-UAL CALLIN' ALL PAULS FESTI-VAL!! POP-PIN THA WEASELLLL!
HAHT! YOU FAG! SO LETS GET ON WITH THA GAMEZ! FRIST WE GOT THA PAUL SACK RACE!! AR CUMPETITORZ ARE PAUL NEWMAN AND PAUL BUNYON!!
Newman: THIS SHIT'S UNFAIR! HE'S HUGE!
FUCK YOU HAHT! ON YORE MARK GET SET GOOOOO!! HAHT!
UH OH LOOKS LYKE PAUL BUNYONS OFF TO A QUICK STRAT! NUMANS 10 YARDS BEHIND AND.... YAAAAAAY WE GAWT A WINNAR PAUL BUNYAN U WINNNN!!
Bunyan: YIPPEE WHAT DO I GET!?
A RAFFEL TICKET! HAHT! YOU CAN B IN THA DRAWING FOR SIR PAUL MCCARTNEY'S SOUL! HAHT HAHT! LIKE THAT NIGGA GOT ANY!
LETZ GO BACK TO THA FESTITVITIEZ!!!
NEKTS IZ THA PAUL GIAMATTI PULL!!!
Paul G: Hi, I like this Sauvignon Blanc, it's got a wonderful aroma to it. What's the Paul Giamatti pull? Is that where you pull me into bed and lather me with vaseline, like my ex wife used to do? That would be ever so pleasant.
HAHT, UR GAYER THAN PAULY SHORE! NO PAULI G! IT'S WERE WE PLAY TUG OF WAR WITH YOUR BODY!
DIZ TIME, ITZ PAUL HOGAN VS. LES PAUL!!!
Cockodile Dundee: AYE! I GET TO GRIP ON HIS COLON END! I'M BOUND TO WIN THEN MATES!
Les Paul: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! BITCH~!
AHTHATH! DIZ IZ GUNNA BE A NECK AND NEK GAME OF TUGAPAUL!!!
HOW R U DOING PAUL GIAMATTI?!
Pauli G: AHHHHHH MY FUCKING INTESTINES!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU ALL!!!
HAHT SHADDUP U PUSSI, MAIBE U SHUDDNT DRINK WINE AND DRINK ANTIFREEZE PUNCH LYKE ME!! AHTHT! MANLI !!
Hogan: HA! I GOT 'IS LITTLE POOSACK IN ME 'AND! STEP ON IS 'EAD, LES, THA LITTLE BUGGA'S STILL WRITHIN!
Les: HISSSSSSSSS! *STOMP*
Giamatti: ..........
HAHT! I GUESS YOU BOLTH GIT RAFFEL TICKETZ!! BUT KILLING PAUL GIAMATTY WAS ONLY HAFF THE BATTLE! HAHT! I WANT MY KIDS BACK!!
Shore: NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE FIN-AL-EE!! ME AND PAUL REU-BEN-SKINATOR GO HEAD TO HEAD WITH THE CAP2006 ANNUAL TAMPON EATING CONTEST DONATED BY POLLIE POCKET! WHOEVER WINS GETS TO BE PARADED AROUND IN A KIDDY POOL FULL OF ABORTED FET-USES! SQUEEZING THA ZYGOTE!
Polly: Here ya gooooo!! Hoorayyyyy!
you can have my Ta-am-am-am-Tampons!
YAY HAHT! LET'S START IN ONE, TWO, THREE! HAHT!
Shore: You'll *chomp* never beat mee!
HAHT! THEE TASTE LIKE A WOMANS BLOOD! *grub* HAHT!
Shore: No! You're beat-ing me!! *eat* I'll never find anything im good at!
HAHT! I WIN! YOOU SUCK PAULY SHOAR! HAHT!
HAHT! WELL THANKZ 4 CUMBING OUT 2 CALLING ALL PAULS EVERIBUDDY! BRING YER MAWMZ NEXT TYME!! HAHTHAAAHT
CHEK OUT OUT COOL CLUB JAKKETZ WE MADE FROM FETUS SKIN! HAHT!
